From the Broed
The Janitor and The Prophet
Idiom Freak Take "Broin' It" to the Heartland of America, and Beyond
During the Summer of 2000, the
Janitor (then known as "Damian") and Idiom Freak (at that time referred
to as "Michael") drove all the way to New York and back just to play
two shows. Needless to say, with such a loose itinerary, they
ended up having a lot of free time on their hands, and probably a lot
of cool adventures, too.
Unfortunately, this is all
that they remember from their trip.
“Have you ever heard the
expression ‘bro it on out’ before?” Michael asks the
waitress. We are sitting in a Waffle House in West Texas, but to
tell you the truth it doesn’t matter where we are because we’ve spent
the last four weeks asking this exact same question to waitresses,
Republican deligates and folk from various other walks of life all
across the North American continent. It is a question to which,
of course, we expect no real answer. At least, we don’t expect
them to say “yes”. If anyone said “yes” our mission would be
over, for that would mean that there had been others forging the path
of bro before us. There would then be no reason for us to be out
here at all. That would certainly have punctured a hole in our
brozone layer that we could never have repaired.
Indeed, “yes” was not an
“No,” replies the
waitress. She is just as you expect a waitress in a West Texas
Waffle House to look; overworked with a face weathered much like the
dry flesh-colored landscape outside that stretches endlessly in all
directions, only with make-up added. She looks very tired and for
a second I find myself beginning to feel sorry for her, but then I
quickly bro that out.
“Well, we’re like prophets,”
Michael continues, “missionaries.”
“Oh really,” replies the
waitress, sounding none too convinced. We hadn’t showered in
quite some time, so we probably more so resembled, say, broed-out road
trash than Missionaries.
“Yes, we are spreading the
word of bro,” I offer.
“The what?” replies the
“We have brought this hot new
expression all the way from California,” says Michael, with mounting
excitement, “and we are spreading it all across America.”
“Yeah, we’re like the Johnny
Appleseed of bro it on out,” I add, as if this would somehow clear
“Bro it on out?” asks the
waitress. Her name is Sue, says so right on her nametag.
“Now what in the dickens does that mean?” she asks, a smile finally
creeping ‘cross the barren West Texas landscape.
“Ya know, bro it on out,”
replies Michael. “It kind of means like “chill out”, you
know? Actually, it means a lot of things. Mostly people
just say it like this..” at this point Michael adapts an absurd
falsetto, sounding like a Muppet character, a very broed out Muppet
character. “YEEEEWWW JUS GOTTA BRO IT! BRRRRRRO IT!
BRRRRRRRRO IT ON OW-OOOOT!”
At this little outburst I
briefly cover my face with my hands in something feeling suspiciously
like shame or embarrassment. I can feel all the decent, hard
working Texan folks looking up from their decent, hardworking
breakfasts to find out just what in the dickens is going on with those
two weirdo’s with the tape recorder over there with Sue, but then the
moment is gone, my hands go back down under the table and I am once
again broing it.
“Wow!” says Sue, laughing a
bit. “Ya’ll certainly say it pretty loud!”
“Well,” replies Michael
sheepishly, “we don’t always bro it out that loud. It just
depends how things are broin’, you know?”
“I think so,” she says.
There is suddenly an awkward
pause, and so as to bro that pause the hell on out I say “so, bro it on
out, what do ya think, Sue?”
“Well, California does
something it’s like five years later that we get it.”
“So, were broin’ you out in
advance” I reply.
“Yeah, in like five years
everyone will be out here broin’ it.” adds Michael. “Wow,” he
says in faux astonishment, turning to me with a religious expression on
his face, “just think, D: everyone broin’.”
“It’s only a matter of time,
bro,” I say, shaking my head, “only a matter of time.”
“So ‘yall really spreadin’ it
all across the country?”
“Bro yeah,” replies Michael.
“So, ‘yall taught people in
like New York City and-“
“Bro yes!” I say. “New York,
Milwaukee, uh....” suddenly my mind is too broed to remember anywhere
else we had traveled. ‘There must have something between
California and New York’ I think “..uh... Milwaukee.. and
“We’re on a pilgrimage,” says
Michael, bailing me out.
“For ‘Bro it on out’?” asks
“See? See? You’re
broin’ it already!” yells Michael.
“Yes,” I add, “we have
enlightened yet another one!” Michael and I slap hands over the
“Ya’ll are either real famous
or just real weird” says Sue, laughing as she pulls out her ordering
pad. “Now, whaddayall wanna bro out for breakfast?”